I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
