Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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