And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
