my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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