she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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