So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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