Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
