Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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