He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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