Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
