brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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