You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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