The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
