im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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