the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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