My liver just broke up with me...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
