i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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