he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
