I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
