What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
