Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
