I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
