Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
