So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize