Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
