chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
