i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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