I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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