Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
