He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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