I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
