pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
