Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
