pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
