I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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