you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
