I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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