I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
