dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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