I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
