I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I want a musical about memes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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