He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
