I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize