So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
