There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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