Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
