so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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