he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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