this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am available for nakedness
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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