i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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