I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
