remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
my poor anus
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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