Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
