You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize