Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
