I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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