I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
