You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
