WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
