why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
