Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
