It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
