toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
