you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
