I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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