My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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