I wannas sexs uuuuu
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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