every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
