I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
