It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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