Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
