We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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