you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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