Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
