He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
