I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
