she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
