I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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