the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
