so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
