so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
