i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize