He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
