Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
