he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Bring me that man meat
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
