i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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