She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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