he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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