I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think i got beer on your cat.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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