I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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