Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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