I've blown a few things in my day
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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