i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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