She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
